You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize