I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize