Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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