just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
