it wasn't lemon gatorade
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
