I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
