Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
