He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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