One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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