But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
