Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
