Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
