; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
