and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
