With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
