Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
