I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
