and you said cock pushups were impossible
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
