he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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