i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
