Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
