miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize