My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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