Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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