life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
