i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
