I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
