You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
