I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
