If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
