So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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