How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
