im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize