i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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