dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
