I think I won the penis lottery.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
why is half of my head shaved?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
