I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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