i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
