I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
