so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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