Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
