haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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