I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
