I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
