does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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