I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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