Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
