We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
