Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
