Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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