Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This toilet bowl is my home.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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