Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
