I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
