i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
