You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
