I didn't shave. On purpose
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
