I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
