He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
