can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
