I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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