I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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