Yo dont text me then not text me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
