My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
