he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize