She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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