I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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