i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
