yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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