you would pick up someone in the library
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she smelled like a LAN party
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You made out with two different species that night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
