After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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