I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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