Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize