eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
