Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
