I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
