So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
