Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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