hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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