I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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