Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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