I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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