Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize