is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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