a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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