Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
