just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
did you just send me my own nude
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
