you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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