Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
