No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
