I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
