I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
