i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize